And testing here too

I did get a 50% raise from one of my article clients, which is fantastic. But I was so sick Wednesday I got no work done.

Yesterday I realized I am in no mental state to consider true recovery from my anorexia: some one (who shall remain nameless at least for now) commented that I *had* clearly gained some weight before, but had lost most of it again … And my first thought upon hearing that was “so I *AM* fat!” and the second was “back to not eating, you fat sow.” Now, to be clear, I am not even overweight in vanity pounds today: I don’t have a scale but judging by how my clothes fit I am at a proper weight/weight distribution. But I *think* I’m fat, I *feel* fat, and there is nothing I can do to convince myself it is okay to eat when I have these fat-in-the-head issues going on.

Perhaps as part of that backslide, the panic attacks returned. I had gone almost four days without feeling anxious at all, and the last three days I didn’t even need the meds to manage it. But yesterday I got slammed so fast with a panic attack I couldn’t even fully register what was happening (which, in a way, was nice: panic attacks are no fun, so not being totally aware I was having one was just super).

So today I am just trying to keep myself going. Not the easiest thing to do, as anyone with “bipolar disorder” can attest. But I am too stubborn to do anything else.

Within Joliet is Oakwood Cemetery, founded in 1855 to receive the remains of the city’s founding fathers. Over 18,000 interments have been performed there – and in the rear of the cemetery, there is a Woodland Indian burial mound estimated to be over a thousand years old, containing the remains of over 300 people. This burial seemed hasty, possibly indicating an epidemic or disaster long before the first Europeans settled the area.

It is just south of Hickory Creek, which runs through Pilcher Park to the east – a locale historic in its own right for its role in helping escaped slaves flee via the Underground Railroad during before and during the Civil War, and noted today by ghost-hunters and paranormal investigators alike for its spooky activity during both daylight and nighttime hours.

Further west, also along historic Route 6, is Aux Sable Cemetery. This location is also famous among those seeking chills and evidence of the afterlife. Ghost stories abound, as well as urban legends, but to date no credible evidence has been recorded.

Both sites are beautiful, well-kept memorial grounds. As with any cemetery, they are open to visitation only during the daytime, and trespassers at night risk arrest and prosecution – and perhaps a haunting that will last a lifetime.